Static
by Draconian Elflord
Summary: Integra and Alucard are in love (In my fic, at least. IMHO). However, behind the smiles, someone is crying. A poem for Seras, police girl. Seras' poem to Alucard about her own tortured, unspoken love. Quite angst and angry. Please RR, no cruelty.


If I really owned Hellsing or any of the characters or episodes, do you really think that Alucard and Integra wouldn't have gotten together by now? Quite honestly, I think it's clear there's romance. But that's just my view.  
  
A/N: Just so you know (almost become a superstition, writing this in every time), I don't take plot as written in stone. Generally, I try to keep things intact in the plot as I can, but I do not feel hindered by the plot in that I could not change it to better support the fic. I'd appreciate it if you didn't flame me for plot reasons.  
  
Static  
  
When you saved me for the first time;  
  
Answered me, my cries in vain  
  
My desperation and my agony  
  
Answered me when the world had forsaken  
  
Answered me when all else had forgotten  
  
In that one moment,  
  
I think that perhaps  
  
You really saw me  
  
Clear and true  
  
Through the static  
  
Connecting with you.  
  
In that one moment  
  
I think perhaps you knew  
  
Who I was  
  
That was I something real to you;  
  
Not just another human,  
  
Not just a pretty police girl,  
  
But someone real,  
  
A weak, dying hope,  
  
That maybe the world  
  
Wasn't really as cruel  
  
As it had been to you.  
  
In that one moment  
  
That signal in the static  
  
You gave me one chance,  
  
A chance to cheat my fate  
  
But the cost so great . . .  
  
Were you really surprised at my choice?  
  
Oh, how well I can remember  
  
Those clever red eyes  
  
Full of your own personal justice  
  
For just one moment,  
  
Somber, sorrowful  
  
Wishing it could have been different  
  
And yet understanding, the realization . . .  
  
You delivered promptly, no second guesses.  
  
And in that moment  
  
Maybe you could see  
  
Breaking through the static  
  
That I wasn't so unlike you  
  
That maybe, I, too  
  
Could wander the night;  
  
That, lonely, like you  
  
We wouldn't have to be alone.  
  
Quickly as you came  
  
You faded away  
  
Becoming nothing to you  
  
A little rag doll lying on the stairs  
  
Just another pretty face . . .  
  
How could you be like that?  
  
Just your tool, your little childer  
  
A new fledgling  
  
To-be a ruthless killing machine  
  
Nothing much . . .  
  
How could you be so cold?  
  
Is it your heart, childish, fearful of breaking?  
  
Is it your mind, corrupted by your slavery?  
  
Is it you, you and your faithless religion,  
  
Your sweet ecstasy of sorrow,  
  
You and your high prison walls  
  
Your dark mirrored asylum?  
  
Is this your eternity,  
  
This world of sorrow reflected in red eyes?  
  
My greatest wish  
  
In just one moment  
  
To connect through  
  
Through this graying world  
  
That you might see me again  
  
Like you did once  
  
Something worth it . . .  
  
But it just won't care  
  
You're on the other side  
  
The walls before me  
  
Laughing at my tears  
  
You can't hear me  
  
Through this static  
  
Through this battle without compare  
  
Through your midnight ecstasy  
  
Through you . . .  
  
How could you betray my heart?  
  
Me, me who had become yours  
  
Me, who you gave  
  
The gift, the curse  
  
The eternal life  
  
It is I that make your eyes turn away  
  
Ashamed to meet mine  
  
Red in anger  
  
Red from fate  
  
Red from crying  
  
But to offer another scathing criticism  
  
On my fledgling massacre skills.  
  
Because deep down, you know  
  
That I am far from blind  
  
That I can see what even you deny yourself  
  
I see where your eyes have led you  
  
I see where your heart lies  
  
In her eyes  
  
Her eyes . . .  
  
Call me just police girl  
  
To me, it never read at all  
  
Your frail heart, in its stony fortress,  
  
Surrendered to a woman, so cold  
  
So uptight and callously cool  
  
Surrendered to a woman, your master given  
  
Holding your soul in eternal bondage  
  
Surrendered to a woman, your true desire  
  
Your tempting Aphrodite  
  
Never to me, one bleeding and forlorn  
  
Never to me, broken child of the night  
  
Never to me ... dying . . .  
  
Static  
  
Static in my voice  
  
Static in my heart  
  
My words, my very self  
  
Fading slowly away  
  
Chameleon, camouflage  
  
Becoming the gray  
  
While you drift ever further  
  
In the clouds of paradise  
  
Of course you'd never see  
  
Me fading into nothing.  
  
Of course you'd never know  
  
How I was crumbling inside  
  
Of course you'd never see  
  
A dog in the shadow of an angel.  
  
So go to your love  
  
You've searched of for centuries  
  
Finally your paradise  
  
Escape to your land of bliss  
  
Your eternal heaven  
  
Forever in this awesome ecstasy.  
  
Leave the dog in the rain  
  
Dripping outside your door  
  
Never offer a whine for salvation  
  
Leave the memories of graying pasts  
  
Of pretty, innocent police girls  
  
Of red staring eyes in the moonlight  
  
Leave the memories of a moment  
  
Lost among the shattered pieces  
  
Of a pretty doll.  
  
Leave me to fade away  
  
Into the static  
  
Forgotten forever  
  
Forsaken by you . . .  
  
And in that one moment  
  
Maybe you'll even have a piece  
  
Of what you lost . . .  
  
THE END 


End file.
